pissyrabbits

ok
so
i have this new obsession
its only new to me, apparently its been around for a few years but I was ‘too cool’ for any of that D&D nonsense.
Go ahead Glenn.
remind me of how i would make fun of you.

it will be short lived
i hope

my lovelies
meet Delia Devoix

yes thats her drinking beer
and yes
thats her with scissor hands
and it seems i can only have one in my hand at a time.
apparently, they know me.

The owner of “the appetizer” (the incredibly expensive appetizer) has absolutely no sense of humor.

We met up last night to finalize any interaction I am obliged to.
He was talking about B as if she were some sort of monster that should not be walking the earth for fear of our mortal lives.
So?
I tried to set him straight:

L: she’s actually a very sweet dog.

Chuckles: (blank stare)

L: you know…they are dogs. Who knows why dogs do what they do.

C: more of the staring thing

he’s good.
Now I know I have to pull out the big guns.

L: some of my friends were saying…hahahaha…..that maybe your dog shouldn’t have called my dog a whore and she wouldn’t have bit him.

C: eyes opening up but still staring at what seemed to be a spot just above my head

L: you know….joking.

C: well I hope it doesn’t happen again. Hold on tighter to the leash next time.

But really?
If his dog would stop looking so tasty and delicious my dog would stop trying to eat him.

and the 9th best reason?

She won’t notice you’re a douchebag

Nikki is my best friend of now, over 20 years. She has 2 kids. Jack(5) and Regan(2).
we emailed yesterday.

nikki: Summer classes over, fall starts in a few weeks.
I’m trying to spend as much time with the kids as I can these next few weeks…..kindergarten right around the corner.
Although what the fuck they do with 20 five year olds for 2 hours and 27 minutes is beyond me.

landry: i have no IDEA what they would do with them.
duct tape?

nikki: DUCT TAPE!
brilliant…..

as for the monster girl, she is that, exactly. Here’s an excerpt from last week:

Regan: “Mommy, can I watch this?” (holds up random children’s movie)

Nikki: “Um, Yeah, sure….”

Regan: “Does it have a bad guy???”

Nikki: “Uh, yeah, I guess….”

Regan: (getting breathlessly excited) “Is it the baddest guy in the whole world?!?!?!”

Nikki: (a little frightened) “uh…..maybe???”

Regan: (now shrieking like a loony) “Cuz I only wanna watch the baddest guy in da WHOLE WORLD!!!!”

i think Nikki should maybe do a little guest posting stint.

AD: i think that for your vacation, you should go to Fire Island and have a lesbian sex fest.

Landry: I don’t know any lesbians

AD: EXACTLY

Landry: i dont even know what bait you use to trap lesbians.
kitty litter?

I had one of those perfect mornings today… and while it has been quickly wiped away by insane project managers, I remember the feeling.

This morning I fell in love with NYC again.

Not in a general way, but in the aching, filled up way you fall in love with a bf. Of the “can’t wait to throw your arms around it and kiss the hell out of it”-variety. The “breathtaking/chest-crushing”-variety.

The coffee, the egg-and-cheese, the cool air, the comfortable jeans, and also the sun on 10th street no doubt contributed. But literally, I was in love with the city today… as though it was a person who I fell back into.

When I’ve had that feeling in other cities, in other years, it was remembering this: That NYC with all of its support and rough edges has always been my bf. Eff every other one of them.

“she’s the one that can piss me off in one second flat, only to melt me with that shit eating grin the next”.

Thanks Kyle.
your loving post about me has prompted harrasing emails.
i love you and would have sent the CD this morning
except
you never sent me your correct address.

so now
you
must
wait
until you get back from LA.
kiss her for me.
xo

(but also?
I would give Kyle whatever he wants.

i don’t always let on when i feel shitty, unstable, ugly. He is the one person who KNOWS and knows exactly what to say to snap me out of it.
One night a few months ago, i was feeling particularly vunerable. I’d been going through a rough break up and was in MN for a meeting. As we were eating dinner he looked across the table and said “I wish i had a camera because you look so beautiful right now”
it was something I wanted and needed to hear at that time.
i love him for knowing that.
I will make sure you get the cock.)

Landry and I scampered off to Fire Island and returned, sun-drenched (L:burned), today.

Gormley: A few things occurred:
1. I got bit by about 50 mosquitos.
2. Landry didn’t get bit at all but has cancer due to the slathering on of DDT from a container whose language we couldn’t read.
3. During a gorgeous rain storm in the middle of the night, a spider bit my eyelid and I woke up swollen on one side. Pretty.
4. I fell asleep to Landry reading excerpts from The Nick Tosches Reader.
5. We slept in the attic of a dollhouse with pink sheets and lace comforters. I felt like a doll… well, a drunk doll with a swollen right eye.

Landry: also?!? a few things did NOT occur
1. i did not have nearly enough to drink to be asked to endure straight people who eat something called “Fried cheesecake”
for the record: gays do not eat “fried cheesecake”.

2. it did not bring forth any “motherly instincts” from me.
Truth be told I wanted to know why there were bigwheels on the boardwalk and what could be done about them.
“Don’t you people in this community have a council that takes care of this sort of nusance??!?” ( i may have also tried to run one of them off the boardwalk into the deer pit)

3. I didn’t kill anyone.
which, all considered, was a miracle.
between the stupidity, the yapping, the fraternities, the firehhouse dancing, the drunken teenagers, the fat children with ice cream dripping from their jowls coupled with infinitely less to drink than i normally have, people really should have died.

Gormley: A few things were said:
1. “That little girl DOES NOT need a pretzel…”
2. “I welcome Armageddon.”
3. “Do you have a grenade in your bag?”
4. “We aren’t flying, we could have brought something sharp.”
5. Bartender, Nicky’s CLAM SHACK: “You guys can take your drinks on the ferry… just put these paper bags over the bottles…”

Landry: all tolled, our hosts were charming and incredibly accomodating. The conversation was some of the best and most interesting I have had in a very long time and never in my life have i been interested in a mojito before this weekend.

but.
i will never venture that far west on the island ever again.

Overheard on the long walk from Prince (waxing ensued) to La Linea (drinking, and maybe some bar stool falling ensued).

Leopard #1: “Listen… you’re a leopard, and leopards don’t change their spots…”

Leopard #2: “You’re a leopard too.”

Leopard #3: laughing.

‘beast from within’ voice from Leopard #1: “But both of your spots are BLACK MARKS ON YOUR SOULS.”

Leopard #1: “… and how am I a leopard?”

Leopard #2: “Uhhh, your deadline is in 3 hours…”

Leopard #3 “Please, don’t worry… what’s she going to do, break up with you?”

cackling leopards make their way to the bar… the end.

I had the comforting, shoulder to rely on, laughing, funny, sexy, easy evening with him… and I let go - just a little - and cried for the anger of the last few days, weeks, months, year… but just a little. Having hair brushed off my face while upset felt like a boot to the chest that I needed and expected.

And somehow we were talking about how different I am now than I was… how drastically anyone’s personality can change based on the circumstances they either create themselves or fall headfirst into. And how differently he and I would have regarded each other years ago when we first met if not already on our own paths… and I realized that the New Gormley, with all her lack of concern about more than a day or two in front of her, with her filthy clothes and not-so-oft-washed hair, with her distrust of relationships, with her disinterest in stability, with the bed that hasn’t been made yet today at 5:28pm… that the New Gormley, out of the circumstances created by A, would be the person he would fall in love with again… and I thought, for the second time this week…

fucker.